day 14: this is progress

this orgasm, I was reading Reinaldo --
he has a line about a police officer in cuba
in his youth
Reinaldo in the rebels
supposed to be prowling to knife a police, & he is
probably expecting a disaster. then:

I looked at him and he looked at me, but the only sign he gave me was to grab his testicles ... I walked away as fast I could, while he kept on rubbing is magnificent testicles. 

He is full of magnificent lines like this. He was full.

Anyway. This orgasm, I was reading Reinaldo & touching my clit, then, oh,

I really dropped into it.
 I was afraid I wouldn't be able (of course I am able!) to cum.
I just. So.

Sometimes I hold my breath.
Sometimes I hold my breath.

It was the rolodex.
Lips. Fingers. Tongues.
Imagining the intimate touch of which I desire &
w/whom if really pressed (& my fantasy pressed) I would decide to not share my body.

How can I cum if I"m saying no, I wouldn't REALLY REALLY REALLY ACTUALLY spread labia lips & legs for _________. (& dreaming of my partner feels raw & painful tonight, so).

 So.
I recall I've been teaching myself that I'm touching myself.
I am so hot, I decide.
When I cum hard I am
visioning
my play(s) taking the stage.
I just got off.
On myself.

This. Is. Progress.